His teeth chattered and his breath came in and out forcefully, but he gave no vocal response. If he could, she would likely find, after realizing that he was too far gone to properly think, that he had no idea how he’d gotten up on that mountain.
His eyes fell closed repeatedly, always resulting in a jolt back up. Seemed as though the exhaustion was finally catching up. His left eyelid seemed to be a step ahead of his right when falling, but at the same pace when flicking open again. Most of the larger quivers were beginning to subside, but his flushed cheeks and odd demeanor hadn’t changed a bit.
This reaction, of lack thereof, was inevitable and completely understandable, even as she flustered slightly over the fact that he could have fallen asleep way before they had neared any kind of reliable heat source and subsequently ended up in deep trouble. After all, this was just a kid, not an adult like her that would supposedly better developed a better endurance to these harsh elements; the kind of attention she had to give to tend to him would undoubtedly differ than if she were trying to rescue some fully-grown individual. But this was the issue: she had no idea how best to treat a child, or to assure him in a convincing enough way that everything was going to turn out alright. For sure, it wasn’t compulsory that she even talk to him — but remaining silent throughout this descent didn’t feel right to her either. Just thinking about that option made her feel a twinge of guilt, as though she’d decided to do something wrong. Any young kid would be afraid…she knew for one that she would be deathly so if she’d strayed so far from a familiar path when she was little. Comfort, comfort….
And that was how it went, with her fretting over the appropriate words to say to him until they’d reached the first of their checkpoints: a cave blessedly facing away from the cruelest winds. It hadn’t been too long since she’d stayed here, thankfully – she’d royally failed to provide any sort of emotional bolster, but at least now she could put in some real effort into making him physically comfortable.
Starting from making a fire and fishing out the supplies that she’d tucked away in the far reaches of this grotto for future trips up this slope, first of all. From then, it was only a matter of setting the kid down among the sheets and arranging them to swaddle his shivering form before she set about her other duties.
“…I make a stop here before going up that way, too. It’s much easier. I was just here a couple of hours ago, but it’s really bad outside today, so the warmth from the fire I made then has almost all gone. If you want to sleep go ahead. Those blankets are all…- well, my hair. I wove them some time ago.”
[ hey yall!! this is a spankin’ new rp blog for my MM MC (who looks nothing like the ingame defaults um), and I’m never sure how to do promos so here’s just …. if you’re interested in interacting with my blogger muse Park Haesoo please reblog/like this post?!?!? So that I can check you out and follow you! Everyone’s welcome, have at it! ]
For a moment, he remained still, avoiding eye contact as if to hide from the embarrassment he still felt. His eyes looked to the ground, glued to the detail in the carpet─ The slight discoloration where people often walked, the few snags here and there likely from bags being dragged across it, faint shoe prints on the floor where the carpet ended.. Goodness, the longer he looked, the more he thought the entire place needed a thorough cleaning. Finally, his gaze shifted back to her, his eyes clearing up as he sniffled quietly once more. The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly, without him even realizing.
“Um.. I’m fine, I─ We should go, get out of here. Move on to the next place, I mean. Less stress if we just get it over with, you know… L-Like, uh, ripping off a band-aid. Right..?” He hesitantly moved his arms away from her, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. He released it slowly, closing his eyes again as if to focus on what he was still feeling, to embrace it rather than shove it aside. It would not be the most pleasant of feelings, no. But it was either he slowly ease his way back into what he would normally feel, or be overwhelmed again like he had been not so long ago. His brows furrowed as he made a point to focus on each individual presence he felt, folding his hands as he leaned his arms on his knees.
A sigh escaped him as he opened his eyes, his expression much more normal looking than it had been before, save for the obvious signs he had been crying. His face was a bit red and blotchy, but that was fading quickly the more he calmed down. There were many people around outside, but he was thankful none of them felt anything extreme at the moment. His hands separated, one of them absentmindedly reaching to grab hers, holding onto it for only a moment to explain how he thought he should go about things for the time being.
“I think, I will be fine after this. Each, uh, breakdown is a learning experience. I can still feel everything, so it’s okay… It’s not as painful now. But… I really shouldn’t block out that pain like I did just now. I’m never going to be able to deal with it properly if I keep that up… Each time I get overwhelmed like that, it’ll just be worse. And embarrassing.. Can I not keep my own emotions in check?… Geez…” He paused, looking down to his hand holding hers and then back to her. He realized that she probably was the reason he had felt nothing from anyone for so long, but at the same time, that wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe she could help him more than either of them realized. He only wished he could help her as well.
“Um… A strange request, that sounds kind of silly when I think about it.. Do you mind… Er. Holding my hand until we get out of the city..? It’s not as bad with you here, and I think that might make things a bit more bearable until we’re far enough away from everyone.” He gently let go of her hand, raising his eyebrows to form a concerned expression on his face. “..I-If not though, it’s alright! I realize it’s probably kind of weird, in the day time with all those people around. You just being next to me would probably work just as well..!” While the blotchiness had faded, the red in his cheeks returned once again, showcasing his embarrassment as if it were a major achievement to be proud of.
Strange analogy, although when she thought about it in the manner that he had specified it was reasonable enough for her not to make any further question. Most living beings were capable of conditioning to varying degrees, so it seemed – given time anyone could eventually overcome their own limitations, for better or worse. And in this instance while pain was inevitable every stint the suffering it brought about could be circumvented or alleviated progressively; that wasn’t so much different from what she’d concluded over her multiple journeys. How else could she have endured any kind of hardship over the years that she had lived, without that sort of growth? It was just as well that she hadn’t made all that much indication that any of his words had been heard, having fallen back to the old habit of not really moving at all whilst her mind was elsewhere and puzzling over his request. Her eyes had wandered as well, all this time, roaming as though she’d dropped a coin into some corner of the lobby and was on the hunt for a glimpse of shiny metal on the worn carpet; was that a healthy degree of apprehension returning to her after those heady few hours before, or had the colder and more pragmatic side of her head finally caught up with the emotional one from this instance onwards? She only wished that she knew the cause for her change in mood.
Though it wasn’t a negative kind of disturbance she felt, this she was clear enough to confirm without more delay. This wasn’t surprise governing her complete lack of reaction, either, not after she had allowed much stranger things to occur leading up to this point in time. Her cheeks hadn’t even pricked like she would have anticipated the day before; all perhaps his current state of being didn’t allow much room for indulging in her own reverie. It was understandable. No one could bounce back so quickly from an emotional meltdown, much less someone like him who’d had everyone’s present mood cram into his headspace in a matter of seconds – she couldn’t even begin to imagine how that would have felt.
Oh, right. She hadn’t even said a single word.
She hadn’t moved her head either while he was talking, sparing only minute glances while she registered what it was he asked of her. Ultimately, he needed her attention in order to leave this crowded place, and what better way than the one that he’d just proposed? Without further ado, she could have held out her hand for him to take and that would have been the end of his troubles; hence her continued sense of contribution to the wellbeing of one that she’d grown to care about within this short amount of time.
However there was more merit to his explanation than he actually knew. The rational aspect of her mind would have none of this sentimentalism, and she was still on her own learning journey to reacquaint herself with…herself, essentially. She had successfully put a damper on it for some time enough, but by the gods did she know that she shouldn’t have assumed that was the one and only way of dealing with her stunted ability to connect on any significant level with anyone at all. Moreover….she would become overwhelmed if she pretended all was fine and she had no issues with physical contact. The last night had been nothing short of a miracle with how she normally was, but now it was her turn to make compensation. That being said, however, she made no attempt to extricate her hand from his until he had voluntarily moved away first, the stillness still passing over her like slow tide as she reorganized her thoughts in that absence of touch.
“If you mind, I’ll hold onto your sleeve until you feel better.”
That was the closest level of compromise she could make to look out for him. She had to take this in steps too, so was how she’d always gone about things. No more cowardice, so that meant she wouldn’t excuse herself in favour of ducking back upstairs or leaving entirely. But also no forwardness; she didn’t want to end up becoming a disappointment so shortly after the initial afterglow just because she couldn’t overcome her own protective wall of inhibitions.
